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Why trauma can destroy our ability to connect with others
In the past, “trauma” implied experiencing a psychological extreme that was the exception, rather than the norm. Psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk admits that he and his colleagues contributed to this misperception of trauma when, in the 1970s, they defined PTSD while working with Vietnam vets. Today, he says, they know trauma is sadly not unusual.
It’s often said that you should be kind because everyone is fighting their own battle. Stress, emotions, memories — we’re all struggling with something on the inside. So how can we co-create more inclusive and compassionate spaces, especially for trauma survivors? According to van der Kolk, we can start by learning more about the neurology of trauma, its life-altering impacts, and potential methods for working through it.
In this video lesson, van der Kolk explores the commonality of trauma and its effects. He discusses why trauma doesn’t mean there is something wrong that needs to be fixed — it means experiences and behaviors need to be understood.
Learning objectives:
Recognize the enduring effects of trauma.
Explore various treatment techniques.
Cultivate psychological safety for trauma survivors.
Empower your colleagues.
Regard others’ coping mechanisms with compassion.
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Lessons:
Lesson 1: How Trauma Changes the Brain
Traumatic experience alters a person’s brain and negatively impacts their perspective of themselves and what they “know” about the world and people around them. In this lesson, he explores how different types of trauma — and the support someone does or doesn’t have when they’re going through it — influence a person’s internal map of the world.
Lesson 2: How Trauma Affects Behaviors and Relationships
Bessel van der Kolk says out-of-body experiences are especially common for trauma survivors, many of whom end up feeling further ashamed as a result. In this lesson, he explores the negative impact such automatic, hyperreactive behaviors and trauma-stunted emotional intelligence can have on survivors and their relationships.
Lesson 3: How Trauma Survivors Numb Their Pain
Chris Hutchinson, the CEO of the Trebuchet Group, once wrote, “People are doing the best they can, even if it appears they are not.” Bessel van der Kolk argues that this is especially important to keep in mind when interacting with trauma survivors. In this lesson, he discusses behavioral coping mechanisms triggered by trauma and encourages us to think compassionately before casting judgment on the actions of others.
Lesson 4: Two Ways Organizations Can Support Trauma Survivors at Work
What if instead of sharing yawns and silent nods at the coffeemaker, the first way you and your coworkers interacted in the morning involved glow sticks and a dance party? To some, that might sound like a bit much, but according to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk, offices should be doing this type of group bonding activity. And while it’s good for all, it’s especially helpful for colleagues healing from trauma.
Lesson 5: Do’s and Don’ts for Supporting Traumatized Colleagues and Loved Ones
Bessel van der Kolk warns against viewing others as needing to be “fixed,” especially trauma survivors. In this lesson, he offers advice on how to best accept and support the survivors in your life, including encouraging them to engage in self-investigation.
Lesson 6: How to Heal from Trauma
When asked by Vogue how one should approach trauma, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Bessel van der Kolk turned to the British poet W. H. Auden, quoting, “‘Truth, like love and sleep, resists approaches that are too intense,’ so you need to go there very carefully, gradually, and cautiously to open old wounds.” In this lesson, he discusses various techniques you can try when searching for the right form of trauma treatment.
