I admit I may be biased, having grown up in the 70s and 80s, which felt, in many ways, more idyllic. Still, it raises an important question: should we be more concerned about a six-year-old happily scootering in a safe public space, or about a child who remains unseen inside a home, where potential abuse could go unnoticed?
There are parents who are constantly tracking their kids through their phone app and know their location at all times , and this is still going on when they are in college. What is disturbing is that these young adults in college are OK with this. This is a powerful message that you are not capable of dealing with the world on your own.
I mean, I'm one of those parents. And I share my location with all my family members, including my college age kids. I guess I'm sending them all the message that I can't deal with the world on my own as well?
I often wonder if "helicopter parents" truly act out of concern for the child, or rather the perception of society, totally to the detriment of the growth and adult success of the child.
Raised completely free range in the booming suburbs of the '50's & '60's. I'd tell the stories but they would all sound like hyperbole. It's a wonder that anyone survived. It should be noted though that every mom knew every kid and most wouldn't hesitate to discipline one that was not their own. If you were on the receiving end, you hoped that it didn't get reported or there would be consequences at home as well.
When I was a kid in 1970s England, it was normal to ride your bike to the next village to see your friends, even at 6 or 7 years old. We played in woods, swam in rivers, or wandered around the shops. Nobody had phones, let alone cell phones, so our parents never knew where we were. As long as we were home for dinner, it was all good. After all, our parents grew up playing in bomb sites.
By the 1990s, I got in trouble for letting my 10 year old daughter play in our own back yard unsupervised, even though I was in the kitchen and could see her.
Such a pampered generation! I grew up in a rural area. Road my bike 2-1/2 miles to school every day from age 6 onwards. Yes, I got a few scrapes and bruises but never thought much of it. I learned to play on my own as a single child. Was up at 5:00am every morning to milk cows and feed pigs. I had the BEST childhood one can imagine!
My late wife grew up in the streets of south Philadelphia. Her mom taught 2nd grade in a very tough urban school. She paid the neighborhood gang $50 a month to protect her car even in a fenced in lot. My FIL was a department head at the Temple Univ. College of Dentistry. My wife was an only child with a genius IQ, was tiny in stature and essentially raised to be totally independent as her parents operated a neighborhood dental office on the side in their home afternoons, evenings and weekends. She worked for them. From the first grade onward my wife had to find her own way eight miles to her private school. There was no such thing as a school bus in the forties and fifties. She walked to the bus stop, took the bus for a mile or so and then got on the subway for six miles finishing with a short walk at the end. This year-round daily odyssey lasted until high school. Her folks had moved to the suburbs so she had to make a similar trip up to the early sixties. By then she could get occasional rides with a friend or two. How did this smart, shy 5' tall kid do this alone for ten years in all kinds of weather? I have no idea. She was apparently sort of adopted by a small street gang on the subway. They decided she needed protection and gave it to her through middle school. This kind of behavior would not be tolerated today. Everyone gets bussed today, or transported by a parent. I'm 81. I played "kick the can" after dinner, and occasionally ate a bit of dirt I had a couple of knives to use to play "mumbly peg," and a great marble collection. We all did this stuff on our own. I could walk a mile to our downtown and never saw a school bus until my daughter took them once and a while. I did have a bike I could ride when I wished.
As this piece points out, the independent life has been replaced by the bossy administrative life. The reason American schools have declined so far is they don't actually teach much basic stuff anymore, they just worry about managing the kids lives. The largest area suburb near where I live is Independence, MO. Incomes are so low in that city that more than three quarters of the school children qualify for food aid. All the kids care about is sports and extracurricular activities. Today the independence spoken of here comes from having cars and getting one's identity from shopping. As a country, we no longer have a true future.
I'm sorry, but what is going on today, everywhere, bars optimism for me, at least. Everyone seems to be making their position on everything personal. I have a test I do every couple of years. I get in my car and locate a street with a four-way stop on the corner. I park a few hundred feet from the corner and watch what people do at the corner over an hour. I check on how many folks run the sign, ignore others, and those who actually follow the rules. I started doing this maybe 40 years ago and I saw most people acted as they were supposed to. In my most recent attempt to act like Diogenes in his search for an honest man in his lamplight, I found about 15-20% actually made a full stop and followed the rules. People speed at 80-85 regularly. They violate phone rules in their cars. Turn right on red --after a full stop -- is violated 90% of the time. I live in a suburb of KC. Drivers are terrible, the streets are covered with trash. One last thing. Our city SMSA has a population of about 2 million. I'm 81, retired and widowed so I help whenever I can. One thing I do is support and work with the largest of the 5 domestic abuse shelters -- only five -- in the city. Together they have a capacity of 500 souls in need. Last year over 25,000 people requested a spot among the 500 available. So 2% needing a safe place to stay could get such a space. That's 500 in a city of 2 million. These are just a couple of reasons I cry for our future.
Fascinating article that explores critical issues related to raising resilient children! Those graphics by Vincent Romero are also well done and illustrate major concepts of the article.
This is very real. I had a similar experience after letting my 6 year old go to the local cafe and back (maybe 100 meters away). A trip we've done together a thousand times, he was excited to do it by himself.
On the way back a lady and her friend stopped and interrogated him before following him back to where I was waiting on our front steps and tearing into me. They threatened to call Child Services (though nothing ever came of that).
Even though I am an advocate for giving kids freedom, it made me question myself if I really was being reckless. That fear of judgment more than his capability is what stops me from extending him others freedoms.
My mom and her older brother would be put on an overnight long-distance train in one corner of India by their parents and picked up in another corner by a relative a day or two later. They were 6 and 10. They had to switch trains at some point and get a huge trunk of luggage and themselves from one train to another on their own.
Bureaucracy has become so invested in justifying its own vigilance that it no longer remembers what childhood is for. The system treats every report as meaningful because its identity depends on processing, not understanding. Instead of distinguishing danger from development, it collapses all independence into “risk” and then congratulates itself for intervening. What gets lost is the simple fact that childhood requires freedom to become adulthood. A structure built to manage threats ends up manufacturing them, because without constant activity it cannot explain its own existence.
It is crazy. I have twin boys and can't pay them money to go out and play. I felt like I was gonna die without my bike to get away from home. Different times.
This article would benefit from acknowledging the kids and nature movement catalyzed by Richard Louv’s Last Child in the Woods which provides far more deep thinking about what is happening here!
This is such a crazy development and kind of shows how far we’ve come with all the fear mongering and attention-grabbing media stuff we’re consuming.
Also, it is a result of the parents themselves not spending any amount of time outside in their cities/settlements and instead only moving through it with their four-wheeled fortresses.
Sobering and a wee bit depressing. I don't think this would happen in the UK, but my own bairns have children themselves now, so I'm not immediately involved in day to day concerns like this that would negatively encroach on today's parents.
Tbh, I hae ma doots we'd have the Child Services personnel tae spend their overworked (& underpaid) time on such incidents of lesser consequence. I'm surprised if the USA does.
And of course it was only the mom who had to worry about being jailed, and only mom who was left with a record--no consequences at all for dad, apparently!
I admit I may be biased, having grown up in the 70s and 80s, which felt, in many ways, more idyllic. Still, it raises an important question: should we be more concerned about a six-year-old happily scootering in a safe public space, or about a child who remains unseen inside a home, where potential abuse could go unnoticed?
Unseen. Nae question. That's my concern about the rise in home schooling.
There are parents who are constantly tracking their kids through their phone app and know their location at all times , and this is still going on when they are in college. What is disturbing is that these young adults in college are OK with this. This is a powerful message that you are not capable of dealing with the world on your own.
I mean, I'm one of those parents. And I share my location with all my family members, including my college age kids. I guess I'm sending them all the message that I can't deal with the world on my own as well?
Kinda. No one needs to know anyone’s location on a phone. It’s overkill.
I often wonder if "helicopter parents" truly act out of concern for the child, or rather the perception of society, totally to the detriment of the growth and adult success of the child.
Raised completely free range in the booming suburbs of the '50's & '60's. I'd tell the stories but they would all sound like hyperbole. It's a wonder that anyone survived. It should be noted though that every mom knew every kid and most wouldn't hesitate to discipline one that was not their own. If you were on the receiving end, you hoped that it didn't get reported or there would be consequences at home as well.
When I was a kid in 1970s England, it was normal to ride your bike to the next village to see your friends, even at 6 or 7 years old. We played in woods, swam in rivers, or wandered around the shops. Nobody had phones, let alone cell phones, so our parents never knew where we were. As long as we were home for dinner, it was all good. After all, our parents grew up playing in bomb sites.
By the 1990s, I got in trouble for letting my 10 year old daughter play in our own back yard unsupervised, even though I was in the kitchen and could see her.
Such a pampered generation! I grew up in a rural area. Road my bike 2-1/2 miles to school every day from age 6 onwards. Yes, I got a few scrapes and bruises but never thought much of it. I learned to play on my own as a single child. Was up at 5:00am every morning to milk cows and feed pigs. I had the BEST childhood one can imagine!
My late wife grew up in the streets of south Philadelphia. Her mom taught 2nd grade in a very tough urban school. She paid the neighborhood gang $50 a month to protect her car even in a fenced in lot. My FIL was a department head at the Temple Univ. College of Dentistry. My wife was an only child with a genius IQ, was tiny in stature and essentially raised to be totally independent as her parents operated a neighborhood dental office on the side in their home afternoons, evenings and weekends. She worked for them. From the first grade onward my wife had to find her own way eight miles to her private school. There was no such thing as a school bus in the forties and fifties. She walked to the bus stop, took the bus for a mile or so and then got on the subway for six miles finishing with a short walk at the end. This year-round daily odyssey lasted until high school. Her folks had moved to the suburbs so she had to make a similar trip up to the early sixties. By then she could get occasional rides with a friend or two. How did this smart, shy 5' tall kid do this alone for ten years in all kinds of weather? I have no idea. She was apparently sort of adopted by a small street gang on the subway. They decided she needed protection and gave it to her through middle school. This kind of behavior would not be tolerated today. Everyone gets bussed today, or transported by a parent. I'm 81. I played "kick the can" after dinner, and occasionally ate a bit of dirt I had a couple of knives to use to play "mumbly peg," and a great marble collection. We all did this stuff on our own. I could walk a mile to our downtown and never saw a school bus until my daughter took them once and a while. I did have a bike I could ride when I wished.
As this piece points out, the independent life has been replaced by the bossy administrative life. The reason American schools have declined so far is they don't actually teach much basic stuff anymore, they just worry about managing the kids lives. The largest area suburb near where I live is Independence, MO. Incomes are so low in that city that more than three quarters of the school children qualify for food aid. All the kids care about is sports and extracurricular activities. Today the independence spoken of here comes from having cars and getting one's identity from shopping. As a country, we no longer have a true future.
Interesting. But yer last sentence gives intae despair. I think we can be more optimistic than that, Shirley. 🤞
I'm sorry, but what is going on today, everywhere, bars optimism for me, at least. Everyone seems to be making their position on everything personal. I have a test I do every couple of years. I get in my car and locate a street with a four-way stop on the corner. I park a few hundred feet from the corner and watch what people do at the corner over an hour. I check on how many folks run the sign, ignore others, and those who actually follow the rules. I started doing this maybe 40 years ago and I saw most people acted as they were supposed to. In my most recent attempt to act like Diogenes in his search for an honest man in his lamplight, I found about 15-20% actually made a full stop and followed the rules. People speed at 80-85 regularly. They violate phone rules in their cars. Turn right on red --after a full stop -- is violated 90% of the time. I live in a suburb of KC. Drivers are terrible, the streets are covered with trash. One last thing. Our city SMSA has a population of about 2 million. I'm 81, retired and widowed so I help whenever I can. One thing I do is support and work with the largest of the 5 domestic abuse shelters -- only five -- in the city. Together they have a capacity of 500 souls in need. Last year over 25,000 people requested a spot among the 500 available. So 2% needing a safe place to stay could get such a space. That's 500 in a city of 2 million. These are just a couple of reasons I cry for our future.
Helpers like you btw!
Understood. 🫂
Humanity disappoints & dismays every day. But look for the helpers, they're oot there.
Fascinating article that explores critical issues related to raising resilient children! Those graphics by Vincent Romero are also well done and illustrate major concepts of the article.
This is very real. I had a similar experience after letting my 6 year old go to the local cafe and back (maybe 100 meters away). A trip we've done together a thousand times, he was excited to do it by himself.
On the way back a lady and her friend stopped and interrogated him before following him back to where I was waiting on our front steps and tearing into me. They threatened to call Child Services (though nothing ever came of that).
Even though I am an advocate for giving kids freedom, it made me question myself if I really was being reckless. That fear of judgment more than his capability is what stops me from extending him others freedoms.
My mom and her older brother would be put on an overnight long-distance train in one corner of India by their parents and picked up in another corner by a relative a day or two later. They were 6 and 10. They had to switch trains at some point and get a huge trunk of luggage and themselves from one train to another on their own.
Talk about free-range childhoods!
Bureaucracy has become so invested in justifying its own vigilance that it no longer remembers what childhood is for. The system treats every report as meaningful because its identity depends on processing, not understanding. Instead of distinguishing danger from development, it collapses all independence into “risk” and then congratulates itself for intervening. What gets lost is the simple fact that childhood requires freedom to become adulthood. A structure built to manage threats ends up manufacturing them, because without constant activity it cannot explain its own existence.
It is crazy. I have twin boys and can't pay them money to go out and play. I felt like I was gonna die without my bike to get away from home. Different times.
This article would benefit from acknowledging the kids and nature movement catalyzed by Richard Louv’s Last Child in the Woods which provides far more deep thinking about what is happening here!
This is such a crazy development and kind of shows how far we’ve come with all the fear mongering and attention-grabbing media stuff we’re consuming.
Also, it is a result of the parents themselves not spending any amount of time outside in their cities/settlements and instead only moving through it with their four-wheeled fortresses.
Sobering and a wee bit depressing. I don't think this would happen in the UK, but my own bairns have children themselves now, so I'm not immediately involved in day to day concerns like this that would negatively encroach on today's parents.
Tbh, I hae ma doots we'd have the Child Services personnel tae spend their overworked (& underpaid) time on such incidents of lesser consequence. I'm surprised if the USA does.
And of course it was only the mom who had to worry about being jailed, and only mom who was left with a record--no consequences at all for dad, apparently!