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How to argue less and talk more with Jefferson Fisher
What if every argument you’ve ever “won” actually cost you something way more valuable? Whether that be respect, connection, or trust, attorney and author Jefferson Fisher argues that when you try to control the conversation, you end up losing something far more important. Instead of fighting to be right, Fisher invites us to unravel the tension of disagreement and examine the real triggers that lie beneath.
Jefferson Fisher is a Texas board certified personal injury attorney, business owner, and communication expert. He has spent years honing the art of persuasion in the courtroom, which may seem far removed from the everyday disagreements the rest of us deal with — whether over project decisions at work or household responsibilities at home. But Fisher’s high-pressure legal experience has been a powerful training ground for learning what actually resolves conflict, and what only makes it worse.
Learning objectives:
Navigate difficult conversations
Build and project confidence
Speak up when it matters
Choose your words more carefully
Increase connection with others
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Lessons:
Lesson 1: Three Rules for Better Communication
“Sticks and stones may break my bones…” but let’s be honest — words can do damage, too. One defensive comment in a tough conversation can shift the tone, heighten emotions, or turn a simple discussion into a full-blown argument. While it’s easy to point fingers in those moments, communication expert Jefferson Fisher emphasizes that the real power lies in…
Lesson 2: Say It With Control
In the right conditions, a fire doesn’t need much to start. A single spark can turn into a blaze before you even realize what’s happened. Human conflict can be just as combustible. But why? According to communication expert Jefferson Fisher, these moments aren’t driven by logic. They’re set off by triggers: deeply personal (and often unconscious) respon…
Lesson 3: Calm Your Nerves With Small Talks
A pep talk from a coach can do wonders for an athlete struggling to rise to the occasion when the stakes are high. But all of us face moments like that in everyday life — times when we want to show up well but find our nerves or emotions taking over. This is especially true in difficult conversations, where staying grounded can feel impossible.
Lesson 4: Defuse Defensiveness
You can feel it the moment it happens. Someone makes a comment that stings — subtly critical, maybe a little condescending — and suddenly you’re on edge. Almost without thinking, you push back, just a bit sharper than you meant to. But what if you could prevent that defensive feeling from arising at all, especially in others? Communication expert Jeffer…
Lesson 5: Say It With Confidence
“Just be yourself.” “Fake it till you make it.” “Own the room.” “Confidence is key.” We’re drowning in advice about being more confident — most of it vague, overused, and generally unhelpful. Communication expert Jefferson Fisher strips away the platitudes and gets to the real mechanics. You don’t start from confidence; specific, intentional actions that anyone can take are what get you there.
Lesson 6: Learn to Say “No”
We’ve all been there — someone asks us to do something we can’t (or don’t want to) do, and instead of simply declining, we launch into a mini TED Talk: “I’d love to, but I’ve got this thing, and then another thing, and I didn’t sleep much last night…”
Lesson 7: Apply the “Is It Worth It?” Filter
It can feel like we live in a world of constant debate. Online forums spiral out of control, social media comments flare up, and bumper stickers seem designed to provoke a reaction. At every turn, there’s a pull to jump into an argument. The usual advice is to “think before you speak,” but what exactly should you be thinking about? Instead of either eng…
Lesson 8: Say It to Connect
Although society often seems wired for competition, the science is increasingly clear: Humans thrive through connection. Research in fields from psychology to public health shows that meaningful relationships are linked to greater resilience, well-being, and even longevity. Connection isn’t just a soft skill; it’s a survival skill.
Lesson 9: Don’t Win Arguments, Unravel Them
Have you ever tried to unknot a delicate necklace that’s been jumbled in a drawer for too long? Tug too hard, and you'll tighten the knot. But a gentler touch can loosen the loop. Communication expert Jefferson Fisher believes arguments work the same way. If you come in forcefully, you’ll only deepen the tension. But if you approach with curiosity and a…
Lesson 10: Share Your Struggles to Become Relatable
When you get together for coffee with a friend, how does the conversation go? “Well, here’s my perfect life — how’s yours?” Probably not. More likely, you share your worries, swap hard-won advice, and, as a result, leave the interaction feeling a bit more seen. According to communication expert Jefferson Fisher, openness is what creates a real connectio…
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